If you’re reading this, chances are you’re feeling scared, confused, and maybe even ashamed. The thought, “Do I have a sex addiction?” is a heavy one. Your sexual behaviors may feel out of control, causing problems in your life and relationships, and you don’t know where to turn. Please take a deep breath. Asking this question is the first, most courageous step toward understanding and change.
This guide offers a practical, compassionate roadmap for what to do next. At The Center for Mind & Relationship, we provide specialized problem sexual behavior (‘sex addiction’) therapy services, and we approach these concerns not with judgment, but with a goal of helping you find clarity and regain control.
Step 1: Acknowledge the Problem Without Shame
The first and most crucial step is to gently acknowledge that a pattern of behavior is causing you distress, without burying yourself in self-blame.
- Separate Behavior from Identity: You are not your behavior. You are a person who is struggling with a compulsive pattern. This distinction is vital.
- Recognize it as a Coping Mechanism: As we explore in our article on connection and problematic sexual behavior (‘sex addiction’), these patterns often begin as a misguided attempt to cope with stress, loneliness, anxiety, or past pain. Understanding this can reduce shame.
- Practice Self-Compassion: Beating yourself up has likely not helped you stop. The path to change starts with a willingness to treat yourself with some kindness, even when you feel you don’t deserve it. (Learning the art of self-compassion is a powerful therapeutic tool).
Step 2: Seek a Professional Assessment
Self-diagnosis through online quizzes and articles can increase anxiety and confusion. The most important next step is to speak with a qualified mental health professional who specializes in sexual health.
- Why it’s important: A trained therapist can help you understand the nuances of your situation. They will help differentiate between a high libido, problematic use, and true compulsivity.
- What to expect: An assessment is not a judgmental interrogation. It’s a confidential conversation about your behavioral patterns, the history of the issue, the triggers you’ve noticed, and the impact it’s having on your life. At our Center, Jonah Taylor, LCSW, a Certified Sex Therapist, provides this specialized assessment.
- The Goal: The goal is to gain a clear, clinical understanding of what’s happening so a tailored, effective treatment plan can be created. This is the core of our ‘Sex Addiction’ & Problem Sexual Behavior Therapy.
Step 3: Begin to Understand Your Triggers
While therapy is the best place for deep exploration, you can begin to build self-awareness by gently noticing what leads to the urge to engage in problematic behaviors. This is a skill we cultivate in Mindfulness-Based Therapy.
- Situational Triggers: Are there certain times of day, locations (e.g., being alone at home), or situations (e.g., after a work deadline) that are high-risk for you?
- Emotional Triggers: Pay attention to the feelings that come right before the urge. Is it boredom? Loneliness? Stress? Anxiety? Sadness? Anger? Identifying the underlying emotion is key.
- Thought Triggers: What stories do you tell yourself? “I deserve this.” “It’s the only way to relax.” “It doesn’t matter anyway.”
Just noticing these patterns without judgment is a powerful step toward having a choice in the matter.
Step 4: Find Supportive, Not Shaming, Resources
You cannot do this alone. Willpower often fails against compulsion because it doesn’t address the underlying drivers.
- Individual Therapy: This is your primary resource. One-on-one therapy provides a confidential, expert space to do this work. Explore our approach to Individual Therapy.
- Support Groups: For some, 12-step programs (like SAA or SCA) or other peer support groups can provide valuable community and accountability.
- Psychoeducation: Reading books and articles from reputable sources can help you feel less alone and more informed.
Taking these first steps can feel overwhelming, but they are steps toward reclaiming your life. If you are ready to move from confusion and distress to clarity and control, we are here to help. Contact The Center for Mind & Relationship today to schedule a confidential consultation.
About the Author: Jonah Taylor, LCSW, is a psychotherapist, Certified Sex Therapist, and the founder of The Center for Mind & Relationship in Pittsburgh, PA. He specializes in an integrative approach to help individuals and couples navigate complex concerns. As a sex therapist, he provides a non-judgmental space for clients to understand their sexuality, differentiate between high desire and compulsive patterns, and cultivate a healthier, more fulfilling intimate life.
